I am a hero. I have been on a very heroic journey. I not only survived and endured, but I also am a success story.
My feelings are valid. I am allowed to feel angry, hurt, disappointed and confused. It is okay to have empathy and sympathy towards the woman who did so much damage.
I was hurt, not broken. I rebuilt this home. I make it a safe space. I make it full of love and compassion. I have built this home to be a fortress. We can discuss how confused I was when I went from spending so much time with my maternal grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I know that it felt like I had been abandoned by them and felt like I had abandoned them. What my parents chose to do is not my fault. They did what they thought was right. They believed they were protecting me. Keeping me away from my aunts, uncles, and cousins was a choice that she made from a place of anger and resentment. I don’t have to agree with her decision.
I was afraid a lot. Afraid of someone I didn’t know breaking into our home. And then I grew accustomed to being afraid of my own mother. Afraid that she would take us away in the middle of the night, never to return. I was afraid of being left behind but also of being taken away without my consent. That is a heavy burden to carry as a young child. While most children were thinking about what they were going to wear to school the next day, planning their lunch or looking forward to a sleepover at a friend’s house, I was constantly worried if I’d be picked up from school early or if my mother would be home when I arrived. I had the worries of a grown adult as a child less than ten years old. (I am sorry you agonized over such thoughts that never should have been yours to carry).
I am resilient. I am strong and brave and compassionate and loving. I have so much empathy and kindness to offer those I love and the world around me.
I dimmed my light long enough. Now, it’s my turn to shine it brightly. I choose to be authentic to myself and show the world what a beautiful soul I possess.
Healing Out Loud 